Larry King’s Son Wants To Be Black… Obviously, He Wants The Perks

Well, let me be the first one to say to Cannon King, “NIGGA, PLEASE!”… Look, I know this kid is probably sincere in his respect and admiration for black people and I’m sure that somewhere in this display we’re seeing a real tearing down of old racist notions, but let’s be real for a second; I’ve been black for 30 years now and up until last week there were very few perks involved with it.

Let’s see, what are the perks of being black in America?

-You get to hang out in marginal neighborhoods or other dangerous urban environments and “keep it real”… “Real” as in dodging bullets, thieves, and cops.  “Real” kinda sucks, man.

-Giving and recieving dap without looking pretentious or foolish.  I don’t know what it is about seeing two white guys give each other a high-five, but that shit always looks corny and uncomfortable.

-You get to claim the rights to the Blues, Jazz, Rock and Roll, and Hip Hop.  Although claiming said rights clearly won’t make you any money (ask Chuck Berry) and the bragging potential is offset by the fact that once any of these things reach their artistic zenith, someone else comes and usurps it.

-You get all the jokes on Def Comedy Jam.  I never realized how much some of that shit was so specific until I sat down with an asian friend of mine and watched some old Def Comedy Jam eps… He was lost.  I had to explin to him what a hair weave was and that some of them are indeed maid of horse hair.

-You get to use the word “Nigga”.  For better or for worse, it is a perk that comes with being black.  White people wish they could do it all the time, they do… trust me.  And what some black people won’t admit is, saying nigga is kinda fun.  Lemme take that back, THAT SHIT IS REALLY FUN!

Now, if Cannon King wants to give up cultural imperialism, access to just about all the power in the world, and having a face that’s essentially a coupon for some dap and to understand Menace II Society, so be it.  I just think its funny.

Everybody wants to be black until the cops show up.