Dear Republicans,
I’ve been reading a lot lately about your current woes and need for direction, purpose, a message, and a messiah. I understand. Following this election, the GOP took a beating for years of poorly devised, tactic based, policies and a conservative agenda that fell flat as a subtle tool for instigating cultural wars of division amongst the American public.
Let’s face it, you guys lost and lost bad because you ran as a party of dividers. You tried to play the game of “Real America” or “Small Town America” vs. “Other America” and it turns out that Other America won because it was actually inclusive.
So now, you’re in the wilderness, looking for a Moses to lead you to the promised land, deliver your message, and save you from yourselves. Who do you have?
-Sarah Palin: Yeah, let’s see how that whole running for VP on the losing ticket has worked out for such memorable presidents as Bob Dole (VP ‘76), Walter Mondale (VP ‘80), Dan Quayle (VP ‘92), Joe Lieberman (VP ‘00) and John Edwards (VP ‘04). Let’s not mention the fact that she’s a rabid idiot and tool of the lunatic fringe or the fact that she has an amazing knack for inspiring the ire of even the mildest mannered people (my mother even called her a few choice names) and you can see that she’s a recipe for disaster.
-Tim Pawlenty: The guy’s got the charisma of a tube sock and the stage presence of a glass of tepid water. I don’t think he could lead Americans into the front doors of their own homes. Tim Pawlenty is to the Republicans what Kyle Orton is to the Chicago Bears, he’s not the kinda guy you look at and think, “Thank God we have him on our team” as much as you think, “Oh Jesus, please don’t screw this one up.”
-Eric Cantor: Yeah, I know you just said it too… who?… He’s a congressman from Virginia who made a little noise this election season as a shill for the McCain campaign who tried to parlay that into a prominent position in Republican House leadership. He’s young, good looking, charismatic… but there’s one problem… Republicans hate him because he’s an asshole. Like, a real gaping asshole. And not the kind of asshole that you can overlook, no… his smugness comes through the screen and his ability to enrapture viewers in his assholishness is only offset by his ability to enrage just about everyone else around him. He’s just an all purpose dick and his career will be hobbled by that handicap for life.
-Bobby Jindal: He’s conservative, socially and fiscally. He’s a governor of a southern state. He’s young. He’s charismatic. He’s well spoken. HE’S BROWN!
WE HAVE A WINNER!
…not so fast.
Before you Republicans go creaming your pants for Bobby Jindal as some kind of multi-cultural savior who can attract all kinds of minorities and young people to the party let’s not overlook a glaring fact. He’s a sell out. A huge fucking sell out. If there’s one thing minorities hate more than racists, its members of their own minority groups that have sold out. Don’t believe me? Look at how well black Republicans have done wooing others to join the party (Michael Steele ring a bell?) or how hard it is to convince hispanics that the GOP is down with the brown. Do you think for a minute that once they trot ol’ Bobby J out on stage, all kinds of folks aren’t going to see him for what he is?
A fraud.
A phoney.
A sham.
Let’s start from the beginning. His name ain’t Bobby… that’s reserved for Bonilla, Brady, Kennedy, and Brown… his name is Piyush. Now, I’m not knocking his given name or trying to make a joke out of ethnic nomenclature, but I’m making a point here. Embracing diversity isn’t about endorsing assimilation. If Barack Obama has taught us anything its that success in the new multi-ethnic America is intrinsicly tied to being who you are, unapologetically. So to lay out as your multi-cultural standard bearer and individual who is so flawed as to not be geniuine to his own culture is to embrace the old idea that ethnic diversity only works when approved by the majority. That ain’t right.
The name thing seems small, but its the root of the problem. A diverse culture hinges on the ability of Piyushs and Baracks and Quantrells and Tamekas to succeed without having to compromise their identity and to be accepted as equals regardless of titles. Would we be better served by a brown man acting as a white man or a white man acting as himself? The notion that such a brown man could be a placebo for real diversity is assenine and misguided and shows the real flaw in the Republican party.
They’re not willing to embrace other cultures… they want other cultures to act like old white men.
Such is the case for Sarah Palin, such is the case for Bobby Jindal. They don’t want to introduce new ideas, they want to bring old ones to the table behind the guise of brown and female faces. The message is the same, the messengers are merely pawns.
So my dearest Republican friends, be warned. Before you trot out Bobby Jindal as your savior, ask yourselves first what you need to be saved from. If its stale ideas, well, try again. I don’t think you got it right this time.
Sell Out.
Sincerely,
R. Corey Richardson
