What’s Right With America?

Man, I can’t even lie right now… shit’s fucked up.

Economy’s bad.

Politicians getting dirtier and dirtier.

The new Facebook is confusing.

Its just getting real in the field and people are feeling down about everything.  We need some positivity.  We need an uplifting message.  We need to know that, even with all that’s generally fucked in our nation, America is still that shining city on the hill that Ronald Regan once called it.

Now, sometimes in our haste and rush to misery, we overlook the little things that make it all worthwhile… and that’s where I come in.  I’m here to catalog some of the great things going on in America that you may have overlooked, forgotten about, or just need to be reminded of to get through this rough time in our history.

So here we go, folks… What’s right with America.

High School Football.

Not every city has a professional team and not everyone went to college, but every city, town, county, or hamlet has got a high school and on any given Friday night in autumn, they’re fielding a football team.  Its a source of civic pride and allows just about everyone to rally around a common cause for about 90 minutes and, even years later, gives you a reason to check the sports section of your local paper when you go home… “Let me see how my boys are doing.”… And, of course, the added bonus is when some guy from your town or your school makes it to the league, it gives you something to root for.

24 Hour Drugstores

If you live in a city with a population over 25,000, you probably have a 24 hour drugstore.  No one cares about them, no one thinks about them, no one even notices them until is three o’clock in the morning and you wake up with a mysterious illness that is either the onset of a massive coronary or the heartburn from the cold meatball sub you ate and washed down with lukewarm tap water before you went to bed.  Most men won’t admit it, but we’ve all had the moment of justaboutogetbusy when you realize that you gotta make that midnight run to the Walgreen’s to pick up that special package… its true, the 24 hour drugstore prevents more unwanted pregnancies than abstinence only education.

Southwest Airlines

There was once a time when air travel was for business travelers and the wealthy and when average folks got on a plane to go anywhere, it was a special occasion.  Hell, people used to dress up to fly because it was a special experience.  Then came Southwest Airlines who changed the game by creating the aviation version of the dollar cab.  Make no mistake, y’all, if you’re flying Southwest anywhere besides Chicago or Dallas, you’re gonna make a couple of stops along the way to pick up or drop off some folks and a flight from Washington DC to Oakland could take you twelve hours.  But its still the only airline where you can book a ticket to travel somewhere the week you want to be there and not have to pay a thousand dollars.  Southwest makes it easy for grandparents to see grandkids, spur of the moment trips to Vegas with the boys, or maintaining a long distance relationship.  Southwest Airlines, America’s flying subway.

Warren Buffet

He’s worth $62billion and yet he drives a Buick and doesn’t even know what color the carpet is in his four bedroom Omaha home.  The chairman of Berkshire-Hathaway is a role model because he’s an example of being wealthy without being greedy.  Sometimes, we get caught up in the excesses and trappings of fortune and become entranced with the idea of the lavish lifestyle over understanding and aspiring to be prudently wealthy.  You’ll never see him on Cribs, you’ll never see The Fabulous Life Of Warren Buffet, but we will all benefit from the fact that he’s taken American capitalism and used it as a force for good rather than a means of promoting his own vainglory.

Barber Shops

Unlike beauty salons or upscale spas, barbershops still exist as a democratizing feature in most of America where men can go, sit for a few hours, and listen to other men just talk about life.  Sports, politics, finances, cars, women, food, and pop culture all get debated in this forum where everyone is equal waiting for their chance to get a cut.  No man is more important that the other, they don’t take appointments, and they only take cash and for $15 every few weeks, you get a chance to be a man, shoot the shit, and hear a couple of interesting stories or theories and, if you go to the right spot, you might be able to get some cologne, DVDs, sneakers, or the latest Obama t-shirt.

The Discovery Channel

It the one channel everyone can agree on.  Boom-diah-dah Boom-diah-dah.

The Jeep Wrangler

Its one of the most fun vehicles to drive or ride in on a summer day with the top off just cruising around.  It’s like a porch on wheels inspiring passengers to gawk at the passing scenery, enjoy the the feeling of the weather against your skin, and incite shit talking while you’re riding.  Every Jeep Wrangler should come with a cold beverage and Kool And The Gang’s “Summer Madness” pre-programmed on the radio.

Michael Jackson, “Thriller”

Let’s say you threw a party and invited everyone you knew… black, white, rich, poor, bourgie, hood, all of ‘em… your work friends, the folks from the gym, and even some of the people you went to middle school with.  Is there any other record you can think of that you could play and get everyone up and dancing like Thriller?  Seriously, before Michael Jackson became the freakish sideshow and alleged kid-touching weirdo that’s been the running punchline of American pop culture, he made Thriller.  Hate all you want, but if I played “PYT” right now, you’d start dancing.

Febreeze

Dutifully busting funk in homes for over ten years.

The Price Is Right

It more than a gameshow, it’s an institution.  We’ve all stayed home sick from school or work and become a living room master of prices and strategies watching fortunes won and lost over the actual retail price of Joy dish detergent.  What makes The Price Is Right so great is that we all have a strategy for what we’d do if we were told to “COME ON DOWN!” and secretly, we’re all wishing for the opportunity to be on the show.

Colin Powell

Because he’s the one man in America that everyone respects.  Four star general, former secretary of state, and someone who could have and maybe should have been president who pulled the Cincinnatus role and chose to forgo the pomp for the results.

Toilet Paper

Go to a third world country and then come back and read this line over and over again.

You

Because you’re still here, you haven’t given up, and you’re reading this.  Fact is, the American people are what’s right with America.  We’re complainers, sometimes we’re underachievers, but we’re not quitters.  You have figured out a way to survive and thrive through ups, downs, and eight years of George Bush.  You’ve been dutiful soldiers in a volunteer army, aggressive workers and consumers to propel capitalism, and innovative thinkers who have promted gains in our culture.  You may have come by choice, you may have been brought in the bowels of a ship, you may have slipped over a border, but you’re here and you’re committed to making your lot better which makes OUR lot better.  As long as you believe in this wacky experiment with democracy and the free market, it will continue to work.  We all don’t agree on how to do it, but we all agree on what to do.  And you’re what’s right with America.