This is an open letter to the guy and the gal in the white Chevy Silverado with the McCain/Palin sticker who “overlooked” me while I was crossing the street today.
Look, I know you’re scared, I know you’re tired, and I know you’re probably hurt. Its okay to feel that way at this point in the political season, we all just want it to be over. And soon, it will be, and its not looking too good for your side right now. Now, while I am black, I was wearing an oxford shirt and a blazer, you may have hastily confused me for Barack Obama and decided not to yeild to me as a pedestrian trying to cross the street.
Your bad… I’ll accept that.
However, if your anger at the thought of a black president has pushed you this far, perhaps you and I need to have a serious chat. You see, we live in a country that is becoming browner and browner every day. As more and more minorities arrive, thrive, and reproduce, the notion of whiteness equating to an exclusive hold on the reigns of power becomes more and more tenuous. Simply stated, if we don’t elect a black president now, don’t be surprised if in twenty or thirty years, we don’t elect a black or brown one then. The bumper of your truck may be powerful, but if can’t stop the inevitable.
I’m not Barack Obama… please let me cross the street.
Seriously, we’re living in a time when intolerance still rears its ugly head at intersections and “real americans” haven’t quite figured out that “real america” has changed, then I’d really like to take a moment with each of them to beat them with the heavy stick of reality.
Or maybe I’m just overthinking it and the guy driving the truck was just a general jackass with no political motives after all.
I guess this is someone’s way of trying to tell white people that they can not vote for Obama and not feel like a racist because there may be about 5% of African Americans who aren’t voting for him. You know what else about 5% of African Americans do? Smoke crack. Just something to think about.
This is for the folks on Facebook who were wondering what I was cooking… here’s how you can make it at home.
Ingredients:
1lb. ground beef
3 Chicken sausages
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 garlic clove diced
1 jalepeno pepper diced
2 tbsp chili powder
2tbsp black pepper
1 tbsp cinnamon
1tbsp salt
1tbsp celery salt
1 tbsp cayenne pepper
1 14.5 oz. can diced tomatoes
1 14.5 oz. can black beans
1 package grated sharp cheddar cheese
3 strong pours of Maker’s Mark Bourbon
Brown ground beef and add salt, pepper, and cayenne to taste, add fresh vegetables after browning and stir for 5-10 minutes. Empty into large pot with diced tomatoes, black beans, chili powder, cinnamon, and more salt & pepper and stir to begin simmer. Cook chicken sausage, and add to simmer with celery salt and Maker’s Mark. Stir for 5 minutes then let simmer for an hour. Add shredded sharp cheddar during the last 5-10 minutes of simmer to solidify top.
Bake biscuits.
Pour Garbage Chili into bowl, add fresh baked biscuit and enjoy.
I’m not bragging or boasting, I’m stating a matter of fact here.
The median household income in America in 2007 was $48,000 a year. That’s what the average American family lives on per year… some make more… some make less, but if we put it all together, that’s what we collectively bring to the table. That said, I want you to remember a few things…
If you make over $100,000 a year, congratualtions, you’re in the to 10% of earners in the US.
If you make over $250,000 a year, then you’re doing it big and you’re in the top 5%.
If you are making over $500,000 a year, then you’re one of the most special people because you’re in the top 2%.
So, if income were a standardized test, American wages and salaries would be apportioned across the same bell curve that most grades are.
We are a nation of C students… that’s not a bad thing, but just keep in mind that average and normal set the overall trend.
That said, when I see John McCain get on TV and talk about wealth redistribution to cheers from crowds in Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Ohio, I have to pause for a moment, look at everyone in the crowd, and think to myself, “How did they find this many wealthy people to put into one room?”
See, that’s the funny thing about this election and America as a whole… people who are securely average have this delusional belief that they’re somehow rich. And we’ve kinda done it to ourselves. Easy credit, floating debt, living beyond our individual means, and trying to keep up with the lifestyle we see on HGTV, Cribs, and The Hills has confused people into believing that somehow inflated spending power is equal to wealth.
Not exactly.
Look around your house. If you’re making payments on at least 50% of the items there, you’re not wealthy, you’re just a better breed of broke.
I’m not rich, but by matter of statistics, I’m in the top 25% of wage earners in America… yay me… But that comes with a severe caveat because I also lived in the 3rd largest city in America for seven years (Chicago), have a college degree (unlike 67% of Americans), and am a man (which means I make more than the 51% of my female colleagues, unfairly), so even my sense of average as compared to the rest of the country is skewed. I also pay a higher tax rate and higher insurance than many Americans because I’m single, so when it comes down to it, my increased wage earning is balanced by my increased cost of living.
I understand that… that’s how it is. Its capitalism.
So, when I hear Barack Obama say we need to “spread the wealth around” I get what he’s saying. Not a massive plan to give checks to the poor, but more tax breaks for people who are like me and make less than me so that they can actually afford their lifestyles without becoming slaves to debt.
Someone send the memo to the crowds in Pennsylvania and let them know that “spreading the wealth around” means they own their flatscreen TVs, actually can afford to purchase their cars instead of leasing, and don’t have to cringe at the Visa bill every month when they see their debt accrue and think about their diminishing savings.
There’s a reason why there are more Wal Marts than there are Sak’s 5th Avenues.
There’s a reason why Old Navy is huge and Gucci is small.
There’s a reason why your town has four or five Dodge dealerships but your county only has one Mercedes dealer.
Because most Americans aren’t wealthy.
Joe the plumber isn’t pulling down enough to worry about taking a hit on taxes… not that he’d even pay them… Neither is Roberta the teacher, Bill the cop, or even Corey the blogger.
We’re all sturdily middle class and trying to make it so we can make a few bucks that don’t belong to a creditor.
The middle class is deep. The pool of truly wealthy is shallow and hard to get into.
Its not a bad thing… hell, I drive a car that’s past its prime and isn’t luxurious… but so does Warren Buffett. The thing about America is that, if you work hard enough, you can move up a little bit or a lot more, but you still gotta pay your share.
So when you’re watching these rallys and you see folks get upset at “wealth redistribution” remember that these people are idiots.
And on that note, I’m gonna let Billy Paul take over and tell you what the government should do…
I don’t think she knows this, and I hate to be the one to break it to her but uh, she’s more of a part of the problem than she is part of the solution.
I think I need to tell her to shut up. Rudely.
I’ve tolerated Elizabeth Hassleback in the same manner with which I tolerate cheerleaders at football games who actually think their incessant and persistant yelling on the sidelines actually has some type of impact on the outcome of the game. You know, the one they show during the Rose Bowl yelling her heart out in the 4th quarter as her team is being beaten, trying to hold back tears as she cheers for her beaten University Of Wherever? I look at those poor cheeleaders as the game is slipping away and they’re clapping and yelling “GO, FIGHT, WIN!” as if it actually has a positive impact on the game.
As if all of the practice, game planning, strategy, weightlifting, scrimmaging, and the like on the part of the football team can only coalesce properly if prompted by some mindless cheers coming from some people on the sideline forming human pyramids and doing basket tosses.
As if they can will the team to victory with a pithy and inspirational cheer.
As if the game might have gone another way if they were just able to get the student section to yell louder.
One of them.
Get Elizabeth on the phone… tell her the game’s just about over and she needs to pack up the megaphone and wait ’til next year.
I was watching her on television as she introduced Sarah Palin at a rally and my initial reaction was to boo the screen. After I realized how utterly annoying and politically inept she was, it dawned on me that the really scary thing about the whole scene wasn’t that a person who placed 4th on Survivor and is regularly referred to as the idiot on a daytime television talk show was rallying a crowd for a political candidate… what was truly scary is that people were listening.
It would be somewhat akin to Tiffany “New York” Pollard taking to the stage and vociferously espousing her support for Barack Obama. I wouldn’t just judge Senator Obama for letting her take the stage, I’d wonder who the dolts were in the crowd who thought it was a good idea.
I mean, c’mon people… Barack Obama has Colin Powell and Warren Buffett (two of the things I said was right with America) on his team.
John McCain and Sarah Palin have Elizabeth Hassleback.
I don’t know about you, but the four star general and the billionaire trump the lady who sits next to the lady sitting next to Barbara Walters twleve times out of nine.
If its this late in the game and Team McCain is hoping that the cheerleader can inspire a victory, then they’ve tossed out the playbook, given up on the offense and defense and might as well hope they can at least make losing look respectable.
Someone get Hassleback on the phone, and tell her I said she needs to shut up.
I’m not advocating wanton violence against women in the streets, but let’s be real here folks, she’s kinda got one coming to her. This McCain campaign volunteer alleged that she was assaulted by a random black man who must have been an Obama supporter, robbed of her cash, and then had a “B” carved backwards into her face. The description of the attacker sounded vaguely familiar…
Black man.
Dark skin.
Medium build.
Between 18-30.
Walking upright.
So, apparently she got attacked by me.
Turns out, it was all a hoax and Ms. Todd is actually a McCain campaign phonebank operator with a history of mental illness (McCain Campaign and mentally ill are mutually exclusive here) who beat herself up and carved the letter into her own face.
If she’s that hungry for a beating in the street, she can get in line behind the Obama Waffles guys and Steve Jobs and we’ll see what we can arrange for her.
Black people, I know… I know its only a few more days away and Barack Obama has a seemingly smooth path to the White House, the polls are in his favor, the wind seems to be at his back, and its looking like it really could be.
But let’s be real with one another for a sec, aiight… He’s still a black man and this is still America, and you know how sometimes that whole black and America thing doesn’t always work out the way we’d like it to.
So what can we do in these waning days before the election to assure, to the best of our ability, an Obama victory on Nov. 4? Here’s my step by step guide for how to not screw the pooch on this one and actually get this thing done on election day…
Step One: Vote. Before we start planning our outfit for the inagural (which could look like a mix between NBA All Star Weekend and the Watkins-Cleveland Family Reunion gone awry), make sure that you exercise the franchise and get out to the polls. I know that it seems like a simple thing to do, but some of us might rely on others to do it for us and well, that’s not gonna cut it this time. Just like you wouldn’t count on Niecy and Bay-bay to redeem your winning lottery ticket, don’t rely on them to secure your access to the democratic process. If you’re in an early voting state, vote early… if you’re not, get to the polls first thing on November 4th… if you live in Chicago, vote twice.
Step Two: Shut Up. I say this in the most insulting way possible because if I don’t, you won’t hear me. Please, over the next few days keep your piehole shut and don’t say or do anything stupid. If you’re confronted by a media outlet for your opinion, play possum and don’t say anything beyond a shrug and a “Man, I’on’t eeeeeven know.” If you’re a major public figure that just so happens to be black, take a vacation to an island that doesn’t have a satellite news feed. If you’re a rapper, this ain’t the week for you to make a special John McCain diss record. Websites like Drudge Report and outlets like Fox News are just chomping at the bit waiting for one of us to say something dumb so they can blame all of us for feeling that way. Shut your trap, hide in your house, don’t snitch.
Step Three: Prepare For A Loss. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I still have this haunting suspicion that they’re going to figure out a way to steal this one too. Like people are gonna show up to the polls and find that our government has been taken over by a military junta and we now have become citizens of the new Palinistan. It was hard enough to get a black man to win the Heisman Trophy, so I just don’t see how they give up the presidency that easy. I’m not saying that some crazy or untoward stuff will happen, I’m just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.
Step Four: Find A New Excuse. If we do get a black president, we will officially be on a 50 year blame moratorium with the government. Didn’t think about that one, did ya? Well, get used to hearing phrases like, “But you have a black president” or “I’m not racist, I voted for Obama” or “Racism doesn’t matter, look at the president.” Oh yeah, they’re gonna truck them out on November 5th. So we’re gonna hafta actually do things like be good parents, fix our credit, and assume responsibility for the failures of others in our community who may not be living the dream.
Step Five: Stop telling white folks what we’re gonna do when there’s a black president. Shhhhhhhhhh! You’ll get the memo in the mail, until then, let’s keep it to ourselves.
Step Six: If you see someone with a McCain/Palin sticker on their car, hug them. Hold them close to you, hold them tight and let them know everything’s gonna be alight. They’re scared, they don’t know what’s happening to them, and they just need reassurance that they’re okay. Let them know that we’re not going to eat them or sell them into slavery and that the rumors about the Jam Master Jay holiday have been vastly blown out of proportion.
Black folks, we’ve come a long way… but we’ve also not quite gotten there yet. Take these next few days and seriously reflect on what’s going on and what you need to do to make the dream real.
